is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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