so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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