there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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