Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
