It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
