i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
