Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
