Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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