Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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