At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
