i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
