I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I made him laugh his dick is mine
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
