I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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