Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
