Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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