Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
