I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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