Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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