I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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