i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
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Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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