My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
