Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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