Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize