I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
