Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize