You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
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He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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