chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
