Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
