is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
