dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
