dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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