I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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