he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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