9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
