I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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