I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
