We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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