I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
