It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize