The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
