I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Never underestimate the power of titties
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
