I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
