There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
