I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
