I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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