You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
