Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
