I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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