i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
