I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
