i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
