I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
