He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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