You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She told me I should be a condom model.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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