My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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