If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
