as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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