I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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