This dress was meant to end up on your floor
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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