Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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