i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
