I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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