Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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