Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
